This post is more of a Moral boost to myself, i need to let out my feelings every now and then so i don’t burst. I’m still suffering from the aftermath of that huge mistake i did a year ago, i moved on but obviously the mistake is still haunting me. I’m keeping myself busy at work, not trying to think about anything except making a living and practicing my favorite field of work which is Social Media and soon after saving up for 3 months i’ll be able to buy a professional DSLR camera so i can practice my favorite hobby, photography. I have been dreaming of owning a professional camera since a long time. It’s about time i start practicing it.
With all this going on for me i can’t seem to be able to shake that feeling of loneliness i get every now and then, it’s painful and it sucks big time. But NO, i won’t allow anything to stand in the way of my happiness. I won’t allow a bunch of people who look at my mistakes and judge me the way they want rather then looking at the good side of me, a bunch of people i used to consider friends but they turned their backs on me at the first road bump. They made me an enemy of the state, an enemy to the public and most of all they managed to isolate me from a community i really loved being at.
Ever since all this happened with me i’ve took the decision to keep to myself, i won’t give away my trust to people unless I’m 100% sure they’re worth it. I won’t show anyone who the real Ali is unless they’re worth it. Why should i share my optimistic fun smiley character with people who don’t deserve it? Why should i be with people who have no respect to feelings? To friendship? I’m not saying that I’m an angel, but hey. ARE YOU?. We’ve all done mistakes, probably horrible ones that are probably unforgiving but i refuse to be a victim of a mistake i did, i refuse to accept that. And I’m fighting hard, not with people. But with myself, i’m fighting to keep the optimism and love of life that I’ve always had and will take with me to the grave.
If a couple of people will drive me away from that screw them! SCREW THEM! I’d rather stay alone then be with them. This is the principal that i’ll be following from now on, and it’s working. Although the feelings of loneliness strikes every now and then but i defeat it fast but occupying myself with something to do. And i’ll keep defeating it every single time because I’m strong and because i kick ass. Because I’m Ali, i can do it. I can be the person i want because it’s my will and i refuse to give up. Happiness is going to escort me wherever i am, that magical smile and laugh i have will never leave me.
There is this one girl, she has been with me when i lost hope. When i thought the world hates me, she was with me since the very start and she’s still with me until now. She’s a friend and a very dear one. I love her deeply, she accepts me in the good and in the bad. I’ve never met her face to face, i never even spoke with her on the phone. But she’s still there. It’s a deep friendship but on a social network, oh and on Blackberry Messenger. Her words comfort me, she makes everything seem so wonderful. She’s here for me when i need someone to speak with, she knows my worst very well but she still talks with me. She’s the one and only true friend of mine and i pray to god that me and her can keep talking, i’ve known her for almost a year and i have feelings for her but she prefers friendship so i took a step back and told her that I’d rather have her a friend then loose her and we agreed on that. Things are going awesome.
Anyways, i’ll keep reminding myself that there is something on this earth that is worth living for. I’m living for a couple of things, to find my soul mate. Keep the smile and optimism and develop myself in the social media field. I’m a happy guy and I’ll remain so if god wants that. It all goes back to god, god almighty is my protector from all evil and i believe in him deeply. God will drive away those who want bad for me, god loves me and will keep loving me because i believe in him.